Friday, January 13, 2012

Putting friendships to the test...

I always feel like I have to check in with friends from time to time to make sure they still love me. I have tests...sort of like the GMAT, except really annoying and not that hard. Like the "will you drink my spit" test from If Lucy Fell, I like to see how far the limits of a friendship will go.

I can't count how many times I've asked certain close friends, "would you still be my friend if I?" questions. Like "would you still be my friend if I TALKED LIKE THIS?" (imagine cartoony high-pitched voice...or a thick Minnesota accent). Or "would you still be my friend if I weighed 400 lbs.?" (and the ensuing Part B, "would we still go to restaurants together?"). Variations follow, such as "What if I [insert really annoying habit here]?" and "Would you tell me if...?" ("would you tell me if my hair looked like 1999?" and "would you tell me if I was as self absorbed as [THIS PERSON]?").

I know I do it because I'm insecure, because I have trust issues, because I need the occasionally declaration of "this is why I love you." And if I think about it too much, I'm not even sure I'd want to be friends with me.

Lucy: Would you drink my spit?
Joe: Can you take your weird survey somewhere else?
Lucy: Answer.
Joe: I´ll answer your question...but this is the last time I´ll talk about it.
Lucy: The last time.
Joe: You swear?
Lucy: Mother Theresa and the missionaries drink the lepers spit. I wondered if you´d drink mine.
Joe: I wouldn´t be interested.
Lucy: Really? You don´t love me enough?
Joe: Of course I love you. I just don´t want to drink your spit.
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