Tuesday, November 17, 2009

2:17am on November 17...

Let the midlife crisis officially begin. instead of dating 20-somethings or buying a convertible, I'm going to start a new chapter in my life (I hate how new-agey that sounds). OK, a "new phase" in my life.

First, I'm letting go of all of the old shit. I've spent the past few evenings writing letters/emails I will never send to people who don't need to read them anyway. To the one who didn't stand up for me when you should have, to the one who used me to feed your ego, to the one who broke my heart, to the one who let me down when I needed you the most...I forgive all of it. I wish you love and happiness and I hate that it has taken me so long to get to the place where I can say that and start to trust people again.

Second, I'm moving on. Literally. More news on that later.

Third, as difficult as this past year has been, I know it has made me stronger. I shall not weep, I shall not wallow. I am going to celebrate the fact that I survived everything that has been thrown at me and come out on the other side a better person for it.

Life is short. Holding on to pain from the past is a waste of time. I'm so lucky to have friends who stuck by me, who listened to me sob over the telephone wires from many miles away, who have hearts so wonderfully large it takes my breath away. Instead of counting my missteps, I am counting my blessings, and there are so many.

I am one year older and one year wiser. What a gift.
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