If Procrastination and Pollination got together and produced a love child...
Her name would be Spring Fever.
But we’re having none of that today. Today, we are parked ass-in-chair in front of computer screen, and we are going to write our essay. Not only are we going to write a 900-word masterpiece, it will be a hilarious and sublimely entertaining work of art. And it will be about cannibalism.
Today we will do none of the following:
*Listen to NPR, even though we know Fresh Air’s Terry Gross will be interviewing Robert Smigel and it is sure to be fascinating. We’ll catch up by podcast when our essay is finished.
*Blog (with this exception), read blogs, or do other blog-related tasks.
*Sit in our reading chair by the window with one of the books from the stack we picked up at the library last week.
*Watch Donnie Darko for the 15th time.
*Put our feet on our desk while we daydream and breathe in the lovely scent of jasmine that is wafting through the open windows because the Confederate Jasmine we planted outside of our window last year is blooming madly.
*Nap, even if the couch begs us.
*Send text messages to our friends bitching about how hard it is to be amusing on command or wondering why anyone cares about Tom Cruise.
No, we will remain in this chair in front of our computer until the random sentences (“I’ve never thought much about eating people, other than the usual—that’s it’s kind of wrong.”) turn into paragraphs that turn into a rough draft. And then we will take that rough draft and wring it out until it is the best thing we’ve ever written.
Now get back to work.