Friday, January 28, 2005

Friday List...Sad Songs Say So Much
A while back when I had a brutal case of the blues, a friend made a mix CD for me called "The Saddest Songs in the World/Wallow Mix." In honor of that CD (which is still one of my favorites, blue or not), I'm posting my five of my all-time favorite sitting-in-the-dark-with-teddy-bears-and-knives songs. You know the ones: You play them when you're reading those letters you keep in the back of your closet, wondering why you ever broke up with whatshisname in the first place, and certain that no one else will love you that much again.

Not that I do that.

Wallow Mix '05:

I Grieve, Peter Gabriel
I'm Not in Love, 10cc
Hurt, Nine Inch Nails
Better Man, Pearl Jam
I've Been Loving You Too Long, Otis Redding

The truth is, I love sad songs even when I'm happy. Sad songs make me happy. Weird? Yeah, but I'll bet you have some mood music of your own. Care to share?

Thursday, January 27, 2005

I. Promised. Myself. I. Wouldn't. Cry.
It's getting close to Valentine's Day, and it's hard not to think about past associations. I usually just do the usual: ignore it until it all goes away. Unless I hear "My Funny Valentine," then it all goes to shit.

Someone in my office bought a "cheerful" valentine-themed Starbucks compilation, "Sweetheart: Love Songs". It sounded pretty harmless. Until we played it. Guess which song is first?

I must say that the particular compilation, while well meaning, was less than cheerful. They aren't love songs, they are songs of people in agony. It is an entire CD of SAD. If the CD was a person, it would be someone's bitter maiden aunt, dabbing on perfume that reminds her of a long time ago when she still had the capacity to love. If it was a television show, it would be My So Called Life, gloomy and sighing and leaning up against its locker. If it was a movie, it would be Almodovar's Talk to Her, a fragile soul discovering that the world is not kind to the weak.

Now I'm all, "I promise I won’t listen to sad music and cry. I promise I won’t listen to sad music and cry. I promise I won’t listen to sad music and cry."

It's supposed to work better if you repeat it.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

"You hate people." "Yes, but I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?"
I went to this place last night for this event. Yes, those are men in skirts. No, I didn't eat any of the canapes with the green stuff. Yes, my feet still hurt from standing in heels for almost three hours. No, I wasn't the one who horked all over the ladies' bathroom a half hour into the event (A word of advice: Pace yourself).

Around 10 or 11 of us stayed after the event to have dinner and much hilarity ensued. I'd fill you in on the whole thing, but most of it doesn't translate well in print. Like the "I was a lesbian once in college" stories, or Claire's imitation of Rachel Ray on $40 a day in Amsterdam that almost made Michael choke on his suckling pig.

Speaking of, last night I learned that suckling pig is just baby pig, not the pig that is served with an apple in it's mouth (I always thought it meant the pig was sucking on the apple).

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Unholy reality sinks in...
I've had a bad case of acid reflux since last week's inauguration. Speaking of deals with the devil, Republicans, and incompetent rednecks, check out "Second Term," the new JibJab film. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll sh*t your pants.

And if the idea of crawling under a rock and waiting out the next four years makes you unbearably sad, then do something about it.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Friday Q&A: The Celebrity Version

The celebrity I’d want to play me in the movie of my life: Parker Posey.

The celebrity most people who know me think should play me: Janeane Garofalo.

The celebrity I would most likely get plastic surgery to resemble: Jennifer Garner.

The celebrity I am most attracted to: Keanu Reeves.

The celebrity I’d be most embarrassed about admitting that I’m attracted to: James Gandolfini (as Tony Soprano).

And the bonus question:

The celebrity I’m not attracted to at all, yet dream about on a regular basis: Matthew McConaughey.

I showed you mine, now let's hear yours! Comment, or post on your own site and leave a link in the comments.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Karma Chameleon...
For about three years, I've carried my credit cards & driver's license in a beautiful silver case (like this one, but nicer and with art on the cover) that was a gift from someone I used to know. Without saying too much here, let's just say I stopped loving the case. I no longer wanted the case. The case bored me. The case was a sad, daily reminder. However, I had problems with the idea of just throwing it into the trash.

Last year, I mentioned to a few friends (friends who knew the whole long and involved story) that I didn't know how to get rid of it. Suggestions ranged from "sell it on eBay" to "toss it into the river." I hoped to find a more humane solution.

Last week, a dear friend surprised me with a wonderful new case, with this Steinlen print on the cover, that she bought for me in Paris. Problem of replacing old case solved, but I still had some anxiety about getting rid of it. I know, it's weird to get so attached to objects. But I do. So I carried both cases around with me for four days.

Yesterday, I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. When I took the (still carrying the old) case out of my pocket, the pharmacist asked me where I had gotten it and said she loved it. So right there, on the spot, I took all my cards out and handed it over. "It's yours." She was all like, "oh my gosh, are you serious??" I didn't tell her the story, just that I'd be happy to know she had it. And I did show her that I had a new one.

Sooooo...at the risk of sounding all crystals and chakras and new-agey, I have to say that sometimes, the universe just takes care of things for you.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

I'm an uncle now...
My younger sister had her first baby on Monday, a little early (she wasn't due until February), but mom and baby are just fine. The only weird thing is that he's a HE. I have three sisters, two of them had two girls each, and one of my nieces had a baby girl last year. Except for the younger sister's husband (who finds ways to hide during family functions) and my older sisters' ex-husbands, there were NO BOYS in my family. Until now.

It just seems strange after growing up with all sisters, followed by years and years of all nieces (most of them born while I was in high school or college), to have a nephew. I feel like I should be an uncle instead of an aunt, like there should be a significant change in MY title since we have a boy in the fam now. I'm still Aunt Kelly, but have decided to refer to him as "Baby Boy Connor" so I don't forget and accidentally buy him a pink ruffled dress.

The most entertaining thing for me this week has been sitting in my sister's hospital room and hearing all of the bizarro information and advice from her visitors. Like her high school friend's mom, who told Katie if you breast feed a boy, he'll grow up to love breasts, but if you don't, he'll love ASS. I almost choked on her hospital Jell-o when I heard that little slice of wisdom.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Not the only one...
Apparently I am not the only one obsessed with making a "mega list" of New Year's resolutions. There's a whole community of people who make "Uber Lists" and it's both comforting to know I'm not alone and fascinating to read what other people put on their lists.

Yay.

Friday, January 07, 2005

I'll take "Rhymes with Cat" for five hundred, Alex...
It’s hard to admit that one of my guilty pleasures is celebrity gossip. I buy an issue of People every now and then, surreptitiously read the Enquirer or Star in the checkout line of the supermarket, and have been known to let E! suck up countless hours of my time on a weekend.

Shameful declarations aside, I would give up my Entertainment Weekly to see Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in a boxing ring together…or a “Skank Smackdown” cage match. I think we all know the scrappy Mrs. Federline would kick Paris’s scrawny ass.

Better yet, how about a battle of wits? They could go head-to-head on a Celebrity Jeopardy Special (Trebek can take the night off and let Ryan Seacrest host). The categories could be “Popular Truckstops,” “STDs,” “That Ain’t Grammar,” “Drunk or Stupid?” and “What’s That Smell?”

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Back on the couch...
Even though I spent last evening glued to the television between 9 and 11 for the two-hour Alias premiere, I assure you I'm sticking to my resolution to exercise outdoors three times a week. I walked for an hour around the park before morphing into Couch Potato Kelly.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

I'm not that girl...
I've been on my neurotic ledge since New Year's Eve, where one of the other partygoers made the assumption that I'm married to my roommate. My response: "Um, he's not my husband, he's gay." Roommate's response: "She's not that stupid." The (not so) funny thing is that she said she thought he was gay, and she STILL thought we were married.

Why does this bother me? Because we all know what people think of women who marry gay men. Because I haven't dated anyone seriously since the 90s. Because now I'm wondering how many other people think that just because I live with someone, I must be having a relationship with him. Because I've had friends who KNOW me and still ask if I've ever hooked up with him (same cringe factor as asking me if I ever make out with my sister ).

He's a great friend/housemate/shouldertocryon/ally/pal, but we probably get along so well because we both like boys. I don't want to be the subject of town gossip, pitied for being clueless when I'm not, or single for the rest of my life.

Thanks. I feel better.
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